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About parent aggression or how to become an adult .


About parent aggression or how to become an adult .


About parent aggression or how to become an adult  .
About parent aggression or how to become an adult  . 



This article is more for those who have already realised that he can show aggression towards his children and wants to change this situation, for those who feel discomfort when screaming at a child who is then ashamed of those actions, who then feel guilty but does not know how to change the current situation.

In you, as if something is turned on in certain situations, you lose control of yourself, the child infuriates you ... and it started rolling. But the fact that you are aware of this situation, want to change it, says that you have already taken the path of working with yourself and are ready for changes.

If you are a supporter of the position - to beat the child and screaming is the norm, then the article is not for you.

You, probably, faced with the fact that in an attempt to overcome your aggression towards a child, you reread a lot of books and articles on the Internet. 

You agree with the authors that this should be stopped. But when the situation arises again, tips from books usually do not work. 


What to do in this situation? 

Immediately make a reservation that my article also, like many others, is not the pill, after the use of which, you will cease to show aggression.


Perhaps this is another unsuccessful attempt to help us parents grow up. And, perhaps, some things will work unexpectedly inside you. I hope for the last. 

First, let's define what aggression is? This is a kind of condition that is characterised by a strong emotional impulse. 

For many, it is difficult to control and the impulse goes out in a powerful stream; more often, the one who is weaker is dependent on us and cannot protect himself (in our case, we are talking about children).

 Possible auto-aggression, ie, aggression, aimed at himself. It manifests itself in direct harming oneself (trauma, falling) or indirectly (frequent diseases, chronic diseases, choice of dangerous professions or hobbies, etc.). 

If we consider aggression as a behavioural response, then this is one of the forms of uncertain behaviour. 

Most often, a person does not know what he wants, or cannot adequately convey his desire to another person. There is aggression, an attempt to intimidate to get what you want. 

Secondly, in a state of aggression, a Child works in us who is not self-confident and wants to get something by intimidation and blackmail. 

Everything, as we were taught in childhood - "If you do not sing, you will not get candy ...", etc. This is a classic phrase blackmailer. The problem is that soon the blackmailer will hear the same thing in his address from his own child: "If you don’t buy me candy, then I won’t eat." As they say, for which they fought ... 


Thus, from generation to generation, an aggressive model of communication with children and a way to get what you want is transmitted.

Our inner insecure Child tries to fight and conflict with our own child, trying to prove to him that it is I who are in charge at home. An assured Parent Adult does not need this proof. 


A confident parent is able to accept his child as he is, to see the child in him and give him support, while adequately building boundaries and allowing him to be independent. 


Uncertain parent-child tries to control everything, put forward a lot of rules and prohibitions, often contradicting each other, and for any attempt to violate them, he is ready to punish to the fullest extent of his inner laws only he understood and known laws.


In fact, the parent turns out to be the same Child in the sandbox, which seeks to establish its own rules in the children's team.

Moreover, to establish them through screaming and scandal, the accusation and humiliation of another, perhaps even through physical violence. 

Thirdly, you need to understand a certain algorithm of actions in a state of aggression. It is important that you have already learned to recognise this condition from yourself. 

This is the first and most significant step towards change, because You know exactly what you want to change. Now we must learn to act. So, 

1. ) When you are covered with a wave of aggression, speak it out loud to yourself and the child: “Now I’m angry, I’m furious ...” But avoid the phrase “I’m mad at you,” you just have to describe your condition. This will allow you to let off steam, reduce the heat of emotions.

If emotions do not subside, then say: "Now I am annoyed (annoyed). I need to leave and calm down. Then I will come back and we will talk." And move away from the child, until you get up on the usual rails. 

Such pronouncing, firstly, will not only allow you to release negative emotional couples without harming the child, but, secondly, will teach this method of reaction in the state of aggression of the child himself. Soon you will hear from him when he is dissatisfied with something: "Mom, I'm angry!".

2. ) When you come to your senses and your condition is more adequate, you can return to the child and tell him exactly what you want to say. While you calm down, think about what you really wanted. It often turns out that in our child, we are beginning to resent precisely what we have in ourselves and it is so difficult for us to accept it. 

3. ) Formulate an appeal to the child, which would begin with the words: "I offer you ...", "I ask you ...", trying to avoid verbs with a bit of NOT, think in a positive way. 

4. ) Then you can make this offer to the child in a calm tone. 
It is important to understand that when we have our first child, he launches in us all those mechanisms and communication patterns through which our parents interacted with us. 

We begin to act "on the machine." To the newborn, no one puts the instruction with the heading for "WHAT and HOW to do with the child." We learn to be parents with him. 

Thus, with the arrival of a child in our family, our Master comes to us, who gives us new chances of growing up and changing. He gives us a new opportunity. And this opportunity is very important not to miss. We study all our lives, and our children are the most important and wise Teachers. 



thanks for the time .


 
About parent aggression or how to become an adult . About parent aggression or how to become an adult  . Reviewed by Health-nutrition-fitness.net on July 02, 2019 Rating: 5

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